Going green. A term I’m sure most of us are very familiar with. The concept is simple, waste as little fossil fuels and other sources of energy as possible. Makes sense to me. If we make changes today, then we preserve tomorrow. But anyone who is familiar with America knows that the best idea is rarely the one that is adopted and used. There is, however, an exception to that rule.
The exception I am speaking of is the Celebrity Exception. This exception goes as follows: the best idea, which would normally be shunned and scoffed at, gains a certain liking from an important celebrity figure. And so it begins. We now have the perfect formula for the perversion of a great idea. Now that a celebrity has taken this idea as their own, a vast majority of the populace is sure to do the same. Not necessarily because they believe in the same idea, just because our aforementioned celebrity has done so. In our case, going green is no longer a way to preserve the environment. Nobody cares about diminishing oil levels in the earth and increased greenhouse gases in the atmosphere. Going green is instead now a way to be above the rest of your peers and one step closer to the celebrities that the American public worships for some unknown reason.
There you have it. The formula for the perversion of a great idea is complete. And, I must say, it worked beautifully! For example, the Toyota Prius is supposed to be the savior and poster boy for the going green movement. What’s not to love? A car that gets over 50 MPG! Fuck a turtle! That’s a lot of miles! But, there was a slight snag. This snag being the fact that people do not like to spend money. It turns out the battery that gives the Prius all those lovely extra miles to the gallon costs as much as… well, a couple hundred turtles. Which, don’t forget, you can fuck. Anyway, going green certainly plummeted on the Important List once everyone found out it was going to actually cost something. All hope was lost. That is until actor extraordinaire Leonardo DiCaprio bought and promoted the Prius. Once that happened, you could hear the money flying out of people’s pockets all across America! Money is no longer an object because you get to be cool as a result. “This guy is cool and he did it! That means I’ll be cool too!” Going green has officially lost its original meaning. People aren’t buying the Prius because they care about the environment. They’re buying it because they care about their social standing. If anyone actually did a little bit of research, they would find that the Prius is not all it has been cracked up to be. Did you know that the manufacturing process of those lovely NiMH batteries puts out a bit of Sulfur Dioxide into the atmosphere? Guess what? Sulfur dioxide is a greenhouse gas, and potentially more harmful to the atmosphere than the emissions from a car’s tailpipe. Like my dad always said, “Ain’t that a bitch?” It sure is, Pop. It sure is.
Just for the record, I am not a crazed fanatic of the going green movement. I’ll admit I do own a 2 door Toyota Yaris. But that’s because I saw the sticker price and MPG and thought, “Wow. That’s going to be a very affordable car!” See? I’m a regular American. I always put money at the top of the Important List. With regards to going green, I just feel that if you’re going to follow an ideology, follow it because you want to and because you believe in it. Not just so you can rise up another notch above the status quo. Oh, and don’t worry. The ride we just took through my article was powered entirely by solar panels. No pollutants there. I’m cool like that.
Until next time, I bid you farewell and hope you enjoy the rising gas prices as much as I do.
-Dan Fili
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