Text Message From Eric

Here's the setting. I'm at home on a regular Tuesday night. Nothing out of the ordinary is going on. I'm sipping a fine brandy whilst watching several naked women perform oral sex on each other in a very sophisticated daisy chain in my living room upon my 10'x12' bear skin rug. (Which I won in a gentlemen's challenge against world renowned political consultant James Carville.) Anyway, the night is dragging on and I'm really looking for something to break the monotony of the sound of simultaneous female orgasms and John 5 playing Heretic's Fork in the background. (Mr. Lowery regularly comes over to play guitar through my large array of NAU Engineering amplifiers.) Thankfully, my cellphone chimes. What's this? A text! Goodie! I flip open my phone with extreme fervor and am very pleased to find a message from my good buddy Eric. Little did I know that this text would have me laughing so hard I would proceed to topple into John 5. Who then falls face first onto one woman's crotch and gets his face stuck in a suction cup type seal for no less then two minutes. But that's a story for another night. The text that I read goes as follows:

Text Message Received from Eric at Tue, Jul 29 11:45 pm

"If having diarrhea was the same as producing great works of literature, they'd be calling me Shakespeare by now."

-Dan Fili